Loss

The last couple of days have been difficult ones. I found that a good family friend had passed on. While my heart breaks, I also know that she is no longer in the pain she was in. For that I am grateful. I had a dream years ago that helped change my idea of when people pass. I am going to share it, however there are a couple disclaimers. I will not be stating the name of the person I shared it with or the person who it was about. It is not my place to give the details of another person's life and death, I just found the dream to be so vivid that it completely gave me a new outlook. Also I might clean up the email a little, I was younger and my typing wasn't as good nor was my spelling. That's really all I'll change. Here goes:

I would like to share dream I had last night with you.  It was so vivid and real, that when I woke up the first thing I did was call my mom, and tell her about it. In my dream, I actually watched myself fall asleep on my own couch and then begin to dream. In my dreams' dream (If you will) I was sitting at a huge banquet table with people I know from all over, church, New York, the military, my deployments. We were all sitting down to a huge feast, like Thanksgiving or something and dressed in the really old fashioned clothes that you would see on royalty at the turn of the twentieth century. Everyone was sitting and eating and talking, having a great time...I remember thinking it was extremely odd, because not everyone knew each other...I distinctly recall you and your husband sitting near the head of the table, cause it curved like U-shape, and you were right on the center of the curve. Also my parents and brothers were there at the exact ages they are now... I remember turning to a friend of mine (whom I met on this last deployment) and saying I wonder how everyone seems to know each other? She just laughed.  After a while I noticed this court entertainer who was going around various parts of the table, and whispering into people's ears causing them to laugh and making them more at ease with everyone. No one seemed to see him, but it was like they could hear him whispering to them. Now this entertainer's face was hidden, but I knew there was something very familiar about him.  As he was going around the table, it reminded of the court jester's in the old days who would entertain guests and make them comfortable while dining with royalty. As he was rounding one of the corners of the table, I heard him laugh and all of the sudden I knew who is was, I would remember that laugh anywhere! It was Mr. X! (now remember that this is a dream's dream, and I knew it was a dream, I knew that he had passed away) I was so excited and couldn't realize why no one else seemed to notice him. I looked at you, and was saying "Do you see him! I can't believe it!" I was soo excited and a little irritated that no one else seemed as excited. I looked up to where you and your husband were sitting and you smiled and said, "Heather, he isn't really here, it's our memories of him that have continued to live on."  I was quite sad and started to cry, when I suddenly woke up (in the dream) and called my mother and told her about what I had dreamt.  Suddenly then I really woke up and was still actually crying. As I was getting ready to call my mom, I was still wondering why there were so many people there who didn't even know him. It hit suddenly that they know him through us...Because we remember him, they get to know him. Not that we have to tell everyone about him, just our remembering his character, his sense of humor and passing it on to others. I don't know if this makes any sense to you. But I can say it seem to change my perspective of death...

That dream helped me realize that even though people pass, they can live on through us. We who are blessed to carry their memory can pass on their story. So in a way the dead are never really dead, they are merely resting in our hearts. I don't know if this is helpful to any of you, but it does help me. Yes the pain is still there, but I am also able to sift through some of it and remember the good memories and it helps me. To all who are entering this holiday season with grief, I hope you find peace and strength, and maybe just a bit of joy. Love to you all, Heather