"A Past"

When I was younger I wanted to grow up and be the person "a past." You know what I'm talking about, the haunted stranger no one really knows, or the jaded person who nobody truly understands. Well fast forward some number of years and now I officially have "a past." It's not as cool as I thought though, reading about the cool guy/gal with haunting nightmares is much more attractive than being that person. Slipping in and out of reality isn't nearly as romantic as it's shown in movies or TV.

I grew up in a pretty religious household, we went to church routinely and I remember how excited I would get when we had a visiting evangelist, or minister with "a past" come and testify at the church. They would talk about all the terrible things they did or saw. They would regal us with these stories of their sinful lives and how God had changed them in order so they could testify for him. I always thought, "Wow, I can't wait to grow up and make my 'story'."  And so I did, I grew up and created my own "past."

What these cool people, TV/movie characters fail to mention is how painful, emotionally traumatic, and scarring it is to carry the burden of past regrets. They don't explain that it can take years and maybe even the rest of one's life to deal with those regrets. Movies like to show us how quickly our haunted hero steps out of his past and pops right into the present, but life isn't like that. Your "past" can and will pop up anywhere, a day, month, years from now. Learning to let go of the pain won't necessarily make it go away, it will try to find a way to re-attach itself over and over again.

What I wish these preachers, evangelists, speakers would have focused on is how much better would it be to say "I cared too much about myself to go out and focus on making 'a past', instead I focused on creating a future." Instead of glorifying all their mistakes, would it not be more beneficial to explain how they fixed the mistake? Everyone has a past, some are better, some are worse. We all have things we deeply regret, it doesn't matter the badness of it! But the question remains, can you deal with your past in order to enjoy your present?