Fun Questions!

Still alive! My mood is still kinda low but I'm doing alright. Today I feel the need to just write some fun little observations in an effort to get you and I chuckling. So how about questions that psych doctors ask! If you have ever had the opportunity to be evaluated you will know what I mean when I say sometimes I worry the doctor is crazier than me! Almost every evaluation begins with the same 40 to 50 questions or if you're incredibly lucky you get the 600 to 700 computer based questionnaire! I've been that lucky more than three times, technically once it was for my job application but still it's a long test! So without any further ado here are some of my favorites questions from the list!


First up! "Have you ever felt like your soul left your body?" Wow, umm I don't think so. Although if it did, would I know? I mean if my soul was gone how would I know? The soul is the essence of us as people so if it left and went on a vacation somewhere chances are we wouldn't even know. To this day I have no idea what disorder this is attempting to identify, I'll go with it's one of the ones designed to test your honesty.


"Do you compulsively lie?" No, I mean, yes! No! Oh hell! How do you know? I get the theory behind the question but really if I compulsively lie won't I say no anyways? And there are few cases, very few, of people who lie so much, they don't even know how to tell the truth. I have seen a few people like this. Like I just heard you on the phone with the ticket seller at Cardinal Stadium and they said you will have front row seats next season not this year and after you hang up you say to me, "I have front row seats for today's game!" I literally just heard them say next season! And you can't even tell that you're lying, it's rare but it happens. If I'm this far confused about what's the truth and what isn't, then chances are I really think I don't compulsively lie.


"Do you see things that aren't real?" Again, I get where you're going Doc, but if I'm seeing it, then it's probably real to me. If I can see the little green guy in the corner of the room, I'm going to think you're the nutty one if you tell me it isn't real! Of course with treatment and meds, he'll disappear but right now he seems pretty damn real. And maybe he is real...Maybe the doctor is the delusional one. Cue the beginning of paranoid psychosis!


My personal favorite-"Do you have any grandiose delusions about yourself?" This one is many times specifically designed for schizophrenics and manic psychotic bipolars. If I'm in the middle of a delusion, obviously I think that it's reality! Plus as the Queen of the Universe, I don't feel like talking with you, Doctor! Once the psychosis is over I can definitely say, "Yes, I have had this issue" but until it's over I'm going to have to rely on the doctors to decide whether it's a grandiose delusion or maybe I really am the Queen Mother's long lost daughter.


I will say though that almost all of my psych doctors have been very good. I butted heads with them from time to time and still do but they truly cared about my mental health. Even when I didn't. I just hated taking those questionnaires though! Now whenever I need to go to a new doctor, I simply tell them I don't need the questionnaire, look at my chart, I'm Bipolar, now let's move on from here!