Writing!

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday! Whether large or small, simple or extravagant hopefully Christmas this year was just the way you needed it. We had a very nice day, I actually didn't have to work until that evening so I got to hang around the house with my GF and gifts all day! It's not often that I get Christmas off so I'm extra happy for that.


Lately I know I've been pretty sporadic with the blogging and I'm hoping to get a bit more routine. I'm currently doing another writing project and it has taken up a lot more time than I thought it would. My bipolar craziness is wanting to stop now and start something different but I am trying to remain on some type of schedule! It's hard when your brain fights you sometimes. Especially since I tend to argue with it...out loud! People start looking at me a little strange!


Have you ever gone through really difficult times and once you were through them you thought all the emotions from them would just go away? For example, one of the things I have been experiencing lately is some of the emotions from my old deployments. I have found that I can mentally place myself back in that portion of my life and all those issues just jump back out. I have done quite of bit of therapy for different things, anger management, alcohol, bipolar, BPD, depression, blah, blah, blah, but yet when I reminiscence about certain time periods all those same reactions pop up!


So is it the therapy is defective? Did I cheat my way through them? Because I really didn't think I was cheating, I mean I worked really hard! And how am I supposed to gain perspective if I can't even think about those times with out reliving them? Maybe I just have to shrug my shoulders and go through all the emotional crap again to try and work it. Yech, I hate that thought but I have a feeling that it's the truth.


See I figured that if I had put enough distance time-wise between it and me then I would be able to casually observe the situations. That definitely doesn't work! So I have found that for me the best thing is to type it out. It puts me right back in the scenario but I also have to describe it in writing and that way my brain can't obsess over every feeling. I also try to make sure I'm in an area where I might occasionally be brought right back to reality, for me it's work.  It's difficult and sometimes even when I finish writing my brain takes a while to shut down but eventually it does even if only  through sheer exhaustion. It's hard, painful and sometimes messy but it seems to be working.


Just a thought but if you are struggling with some old memories maybe try to write it out. I'm not saying write and post on FaceBook, but maybe in a small journal or notebook. If it isn't the thing for you than at least you tried it. Who knows? It might be exactly what you need; notice I did not say what you like but what you need. And if you have never had a painful experience or regret when congratulations to you; you might not even be human! I'm kidding, but seriously if you can't think of any experience you may have been incredibly sheltered and live in a hole in the ground. Smile people, 2016 is finally almost over!