Traveling!

Have you ever wanted to just start over? Just begin life all over again and try maybe a different route? I get this feeling from time to time. This sudden urge to drop everything and disappear; go somewhere else and start over. When I get stressed it becomes very appealing. A few years ago I even attempted to do it. But I didn't get too far since I was exhausted from only sleeping a few minutes a day. Also I had absolutely no money so that made driving too far damn near impossible.


But I had  a plan though! I was going to wait until my next payday and then head out. The rest of my awesome plan included, making money online via surveys and blogging; all from my IPhone since I didn't have a laptop with me. And I was going to drive, well, somewhere and sleep in the car until I got to somewhere. I know it's an insane idea now, but at the time it seemed perfectly natural. Even when I decided not to do it, it wasn't because I thought it was bad but that I felt bad for leaving everyone. The idea to drive off was still very much a doable thing in my head.


Obviously, now I know that it's a sign of  severely deteriorating mental health but I think what confuses me is that even now it seems to be appealing at times. On one level I know it isn't what a sound person thinks or does, but on another level it sounds so mysterious and fun! The first time I thought of it, I was in a terrible relationship and stumbling around with an undiagnosed mental health condition so it's understandable. So what's wrong with me now? I'm more stable, in a good, healthy relationship, building good familial relationships and yet still I sometimes long for the excitement of the open road and the unfamiliar.


For a long time I thought that it was a part of my bipolar and for certain some part is. The idea of dropping everything and leaving, no job, no notice, no telling people, that is most certainly my crazy side talking. But the excitement of the unknown? Traveling to new places with no knowledge of the area? Those have been ingrained in me from childhood.


I thought back earlier tonight on how my childhood was different than a lot of people I know now. When I was young, my family seemed like the only one who stayed anywhere more than two years with the Army. Now many of my friends live here in Phoenix and either all their family is right here or they moved from "far away" places like L.A. One woman I worked with a couple years ago told me about how she was so sad and cried because she had to work on Christmas Day. I asked where her parents were at....The other side of town. I shit you not! She still got to go see them just as soon as her shift was over. I felt bad but I couldn't help myself and I started laughing at her. It was at that point that I realized not many other families were like mine and my military friends growing up.


That's where I got the other part of longing for travel! We moved from New York state to Missouri when I was six. After my dad got out of the active duty Army, we lived in Wisconsin for 10 months and then back to Missouri. By the time I had graduated high school, I had been to Canada, Mexico (3 times), Colorado Springs, Detroit, and Florida. Not to mention trips back to New York for family visits! It didn't end there, 10 days after I graduated I was on a plane to San Antonio for basic training. From there it was 2 years in Okinawa; where I visited the Philippines, Guam, and Pakistan. Then from lush tropics to freezing cold Minot, ND winter. Moving from there to Little Rock, AR and a stint in Iraq. In 2009 after getting out of the Air Force, I moved down here to Phoenix, AZ where I knew one person. And here I still am, almost 8 years later.


It's shocking, I just realized this is the longest I've lived anywhere except my childhood home. And don't get me wrong, I don't want to leave here and start up somewhere new. I do love it here. But the idea of what else is out there sometimes intrigues me. I love the idea that adventure is just around the next bend in the road. Maybe sometime I'll follow it just to see, but only when I'm ready not when my crazy is kicking into high gear. Remember not everything you have an excitement about is necessarily bad, it might be your long lost true passion coming back out!