Flashes

It just happened, suddenly without warning. My coworker was watching the video of the assassination of the Russian ambassador yesterday (I would not  recommend this, it's graphic and no matter who a person is, they deserve dignity in death. It isn't something for new channels to use as a means of higher ratings) and the assassin started screaming "Allah Ackbar" over and over. Bam! I was back in Bucca! I mean, I know I wasn't actually there but my body and mind reacted as if I was. I turned, reaching for a weapon I didn't have, my brain was suddenly alive with adrenaline, and I already knew which person to take out first. Of course, that person was a tiny man on a computer, but still.


It's funny, the chants are always what get me. Booms, gun shots, crowds are not normally too much of an issue. I mean I have my days, but normally they don't throw me. But the chanting, it's always the chanting. It might be because in the prison it was the signal for a riot or some unrest. Maybe it's because I heard it wherever I went, in Pakistan it was from the giant city towers for the whole of Ramadan. In Bucca it was everywhere, in almost every compound some group was "praying." Here it's on TV, in movies, and I can't stand it.


It makes the hair on my neck stand up. Every receptor in my brain screams to look out for danger or attack. I can't help it, it's the natural reaction for me. After something like this, I normally get excessively chatty because my brain is trying to find a way to settle back down. I have often wondered why this of all things is my trigger.


Many of my friends find it irritating but not like I do. Most of them have more problems with the loud noises, etc. I think for me it's because my first reaction isn't fear, it's hatred. I hated hearing that chant during every riot, getting hit with every known bodily fluid. Watching them set fire to huts, guard towers, vehicles, anything they could get their hands on they destroyed. So that chant is engrained in my brain as the beginning of chaos and violence.


I think the reason I hate it so is because it simply means, God is Great (est). They would scream at me about God's Greatness while destroying everything around them. That went against everything I was taught growing up, regardless of the religion you treated it and it's followers with respect. By chanting about God (Allah) while trying to kill people or when they did actually do it, went against everything I could fathom.


Now I realize that terrorists are not regular Muslims but it's too bad that when I hear that chant, regardless of who says it my reaction will still be towards the terrorists. It's suddenly dawning on me, that this is probably the same way some people feel about the mainstream church. I'm not going to get too religious hear as I'm not a really religious person, but maybe as the hurt person (people) we might need to try again. I don't know if I can get past my anger and disdain of hearing that chant, but I can say that I know not all Muslims are terrorists, just like not all Christians are homophobes. And that might be a simple starting place.