Meds

I love seeing those memes on Facebook that talk about big pharmacy companies and how they are just creating more addicts instead of helping heal people. I agree to a point that it is the truth, got a headache? Pop a pill. Earache? Pill. Toe ache? you guessed it! Many times we no longer use the home remedies we learned as children, mint tea, warm milk, hot washcloth etc... We have become reliant on instant feel good medications.


But I only agree to a point. There are some things that require medication, serious illness,  bad injury, and of course, mental illness. I hate that I must rely on stupid medications to make my brain work somewhat correctly! I love how people, doctors included, try to gently break the news that you're going to be medication dependent for a long time or maybe the rest of your life. "Your brain works different, or has quirks, a glitch. You feel emotions more deeply than most people. You see things differently  than others (my personal favorite)" are all things I have heard from people in the medical field. All I hear is, "You're broken and there is no cure. Take this pill." I would love to have some homeopathic remedy that would work! There are some types of herbs that seem to make some symptoms lessen but not well enough for me.


So after a while, I see those memes and I either want to scream or take it's advice and stop my medications. Don't worry, I haven't done that...yet. I have offered to some people that I will come live with them and quit my meds just so they can see how much "fun" I get. So far no one has taken me up on this offer! Now I know the stupid meme is just about the over use of medications for shit we don't need it for but still it irritates me. Possibly because what I struggle with is not visible, no can see my brain misfiring or shorting out. It's not a physical disability and so it's easily forgotten by the people who don't have to deal with it daily. It's like this post, you get to read the finished version, edited, hopefully properly spelled, and formatted. You don't see the deletes, misspells, and eternal wandering thoughts that are pushed and rewritten to make sense. That's how a mental illness works, on the outside everything might look fine. We're punctual, do our work, smile, talk, interact and go home. No one sees the anxiety, brain confusion, depression, irritability, insomnia, and of course, the pills.


Now I know the meme is just supposed to be funny and most times I just laugh and shrug it off. Really I don't hate the poster but some days it just irritates me. But today is not that day. Today was a day where I felt constantly brain broken, not for any particular reason just a part of my "glitches" that my head now has. I'm not trying to whine or sound pitiful, I just get frustrated and don't like to struggle so much.